Reflections of a Postulant

This is Anna taking the blog back over from my dad for one post!  I am home for 5 days for my first home visit.  It is such a blessing that in our community postulants are allowed to go home for Christmas with their families so while I have access to technology, I thought I would provide a short update.

Caitlin and I in front of the Christmas tree

The first four months have gone very well and have been very grace-filled.  It has been quite the transition; there is some culture shock in living a completely different lifestyle.  There has been a lot of adjustment to the early mornings, stricter schedule, less frequent communication, and in living obedience and poverty.  For the first three years, we don't take the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, but we try to live those vows in preparation for the commitment that we hope to make.  I was already striving for a life of chastity before entrance, but it has been quite the change to no longer make decisions about what my day will entail, what kind of shampoo I will use, or who I will talk to.  As I continue to dive deeper into formation, there will be more ways for me to practice poverty and obedience such as less frequent contact through letters.

As I pray the stations of the cross, I have been particularly reflecting on the tenth station, "Jesus is stripped of his garments". In many ways, this journey is a way that I can give of myself to share in Christ's passion.  In separating myself from sin and wordly attachments, the goal is to be stripped from all things except Christ so that I can be more conformed to Him every day.  The vulnerability that is required is intimidating and I often fail or become frustrated, but especially in this Christmas season, it is such a gift to be able to reflect on the vulnerability of Christ.

At my parish, the nativity scene is set up right in front of the altar which is below a large crucifix.  This morning during the consecration at Mass, I was struck by the ways that Christ became so vulnerable for us.  Coming as a tiny baby, our all powerful God became dependent on human beings.  At his Crucifixion, stripped of his clothing, Jesus died the death of a criminal to save us from our sins.  And in the Eucharist, Christ gives himself to us in the simple humble appearance of bread and wine. In her book, Wood of the Cradle, Wood of the Cross, Caryll Houselander said, "We are asked to offer only what we have, what we are today.  That it is so little means nothing: it is our wafer of unleavened bread."

Please know that I carry each family member, friend, and blog reader in my heart throughout this journey.  In the upcoming months you won't hear from me as frequently as before, but I will continue to pray for all of you, particularly in my night adoration hours.  I keep a book of intentions that are sent to me, and I also have a list of birthdays.  While I might not be able to send a card, be assured that I offer my prayers, work, joys, and sufferings for family and friends on their birthdays.  The transition is not always easy, but the religious life that God has called me to is beautiful and I am so blessed to be able to spend so much time in prayer and conversation with our Lord.  God Bless You!

Anna's Advent Reflections - Weeks 2-4

Note: I'm typing snail-mail reflections Anna prepared for advent (with slight modifications).  
A little late now that Christmas season is here, but better late than never??Ray

Week 2: Prepare the way of the Lord, make straight his paths.

I have been reflecting on how to prepare the way of the Lord during this Advent season.  Mother Maria Theresia (founder of the order) has a quote, "Mary will gladly place Him into our hearts if .... we have 'prepared room' for him."  I am so grateful for the gift of faith and example of love that has been given to me by my family.  When I think of how to prepare my heart the sacraments come to mind first, especially reconciliation where God in His mercy offers His full forgiveness.  I also think of scripture, which the second reading mentions.  I have started reading scripture more since I've been at the convent because we have a half hour of daily meditation (and because one of our teachers asks us each week what we have been reading in the Bible and what God has revealed to us in our meditation!).  I've been using the lectio divina method (as explained in Called to Life), and I am frequently reminded in prayer that Scripture is a living letter from our Lord.

I am struck by the fact that Advent as a season mirrors the way we prepare our hearts each time we have the opportunity to receive Jesus in the Eucharist.  My prayer this week is that as we prepare the way of the Lord, our love for the Eucharist deepens. 

Week 3: Make your hearts firm, because the coming of the Lord is at hand.

The countdown is now in the single digits - 8 days until I get to leave for a home visit!  I'm not sure I've ever been so excited about something before - the anticipation is building each day.  Which makes me think twice when reflecting on today's second reading.  How much greater should our anticipation be for the coming of the Lord!  I guess in some ways this Advent season that is forcing us to practice patience is a gift because it offered us a glimpse of how our hearts burn out of desire for God - of that desire to see Him face to face which is what we were create for.

I think it is also worth reflecting on the first reading from Isaiah which says, "Those whom the Lord ransomed will return and enter Zion singing, crowned with everlasting joy; they will meet with joy and gladness, sorrow and mourning will flee."  Those words paint a beautiful picture.  And interestingly enough they remind me of sacrifice.  There are 2 analogies that are used here often.  One is that each time we offer up an inconvenience, hold back from complaining, etc. we are adding another jewel to the crown we will receive in heaven.  I have also come to a better appreciation of offering something up (or enduring something with joy) for the poor souls in Purgatory.  First of all, it is so beautiful to think that you are helping a soul get one step closer to Eternity with God, but then when they get to Heaven, each soul we saved will intercede for us.  Pretty awesome.  My prayer this week is that we will deepen our desire for God each day.

Week 4: When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him.  

Week 4 has arrived!  Hard to believe.  I love this week's Gospel about St. Joseph.  first of all because it just shows complete trust in God no matter how crazy His plan may seem.  I think of how long I wrestled with saying yes to my vocation and how I struggle with doing God's will each day.  But it appears that Joseph just acted without hesitation when he heard God speak through the angel.

Blessed Maria Theresia had such a devotion to St. Joseph.  She would place her bills and requests under his statue and he would provide.  He was her protector wherever she went - including when her stagecoach was help up when she was traveling from Lafayette, IN to Columbus, NE.  Each of the sisters still have "of St. Joseph" at the end of their name in gratitude for all he provided for the community.  

Lastly, I think of that Todd Agnew song when Joseph says "this is all I have to give" (Link to Todd Agnew's explanation of the song).  Such an example of humility and an example to us that in our sinfulness and limitations, Jesus gladly accepts all that we give to Him, no matter how small, because it's done out of love.

My prayer this week is that St. Joseph and the holy family will bless time together as families this Christmas so that we may grow in holiness.  

Advent Reflection from Anna

Note: I'm typing Anna's snail-mail reflections on advent with slight modifications. 
Ray

Happy Advent!

The ending of the reading from Isaiah from the 1st Sunday of Advent readings "let us walk in the light of the Lord" reminds me of that great DC Talk song "In the Light" (lyrics, video).  It makes me think of all the earthly attachments to material things an to sin that lead me astray from that path to walk on in the light of the Lord.  Even at the convent my mind races during prayer as I think of my to do list, what I will ear for dinner, or as I judge another sister for being irreverent.  If my on and only goal in life is to love and serve God, why can't I just "put on Jesus Christ and make no provision for the desires of the flesh" as Paul says in the second reading?

There is no doubt that my Advent season will be quieter and will allow for more prayer than yours, but we all have such an opportunity this Advent to decrease our desire for the flesh and increase our dependence on God.

I think of Our Lady of Mount Carmel's commitment to the Adopt an Angel program and how the clients you serve lack material things.You observe the clients daily dependence on God and observe God working through those who buy gifts, donate money, deliver gifts and help run the Adopt and Angel program.  I think of the blessing you have and how you show them a glimpse of God's unconditional love by providing food, toys, and joy.  I think of the ways that you sacrifice daily at home and work and how that giving increases the capacity of your hearts for love. 

My prayer this week is that we depend totally on God.

Anna

Anna's Reflection on Germany - Part 1

Note: I'm typing Anna's snail-mail reflections on her trip to Germany with the Sisters of Saint Francis of Perpetual Adoration to attend the beatification of their founder, Mother Maria Theresia Bonzel. Anna spent time in Paderborn and Olpe, Germany, where the motherhouse of Anna's order and home of their founder are located. 
Ray

While the trip was a pilgrimage, there was really not much suffering or sacrifice - we were treated like VIPS for the most part.  The most difficult part was the travel and jet lag.  The travel there went very smoothly.  I was nervous how the trip was going to go when we were at the airport.  The novitiate had all packed lunches and snacks from the motherhouse in Mishawaka since we were leaving at 9:30 am and our flight wasn't until 3:15.  I had packed an empty water bottle so that I could fill it in the airport - definitely a way that I have increase my poverty;  I would have never packed any of that in my BC (before convent) life. 

I sat in the middle section of the plane.  It was hard to sleep as there was a lot of turbulence plus it was still afternoon in Indiana.  We landed early at 5 am German time, 11 pm Indiana time.  I slept about an hour and a half I think, but did rest for longer than that. When we landed, the airport was pretty empty - I think that is an unusual time for international flights to come in.  We got into two busses and drove to Olpe, Germany.  That was the hardest part of the trip for me.  Five of us postulants were squished in a back seat, and I just wanted to sleep, but everyone was excited - talking and singing.  I was really tired and grumpy.  When we arrived at the motherhouse about 7:30, all the sisters were waiting at the door.  It was like a receiving line with about 50 sisters!  Sr. Magdelena, the general superior, was one of the first ones in line.  It was funny because you had no clue who spoke English, so I just looked at everyone and said "Hallo" in a very American way and hugged them.  One of the German sisters (Sr. Petra) knew the names of all the postulants from the website - impressive!  Even Luke (the boy who was cured through the intercession of Mother Maria Theresia) and his family were there to greet us.

Once all 53 of us made it through the line, we went right to the chapel and sang the Te Deum in English (Holy God We Praise Thy Name) and then went right to the little room where Mother's casket was kept.  Sr. Rose Agnes who went to Germany 2 weeks before us explained that the Vatican had sent a team to move her body from the old casket to the new casket and to gather relics of her body from her leg bone and that she had been there to witness it. She said at some point, wax was put on her as a preservation method, so you could see some of her features.  She especially commented on her hands. In many pictures you can see her hands and how they were clearly arthritic.  She seems to have really long finger though.  It was interesting to hear about that.  We said a prayer, ate breakfast, and then tried all day to stay awake.  We really just hung out and kind of explored the motherhouse. 

I went to the chapel and to the place where Mother's body was kept.  As I sat in the chapel I was glad for the various faith experiences that we had as a family.  For many, it was so hard to get past the non-traditionalism of the chapel that they couldn't see its unique beauty. While it was not the architecture I would have chosen for a church, it was quite unique and you could see symbolism in it.  It made the old OLMC church seem bright and cheery.  The walls were really dark and it had to have been at least 4 stories tall.  The only lighting came from individual bulbs that hung from the ceiling.  It seemed like the ceiling went forever!  The only lighting came from individual bulbs that hung from the ceiling.  It seemed like the ceiling went on forever! 

I looked at the Stations of the Cross, which were metal round plates with carvings in them and while not particularly striking in their shape and style, there were some really beautiful interpretations.  The artist really depicted Satan throughout the whole Way of the Cross which I have not seen much.  My favorite was station 12 – Jesus Dies on the Cross.  The station had Jesus on the Cross and a snake holding an apple was at the bottom left of the cross.  On the bottom right was a priest kneeling and holding a chalice in consecration.  Of course I knew that the Eucharist is the representation of the sacrifice of Jesus offered on Calvary, but you rarely see it portrayed that way in art.  It really provided some great material for meditation.  The other one I really liked was the 14^th station – Jesus is placed in the tomb.  It was a very different tomb than we are used to seeing with no rock in sight.  It almost looked like a metal box with some accents.  One night we were talking about it and Celeste (another postulant) commented it looks like a tabernacle.  I loved that!  That Jesus rose from the dead to open the gates of heaven, but still leaves his body for us ever present in the tabernacle. 

While it was difficult to stay up, I couldn’t believe how much we ate!  From the sack lunches at the airport, meals on the plane, 2 meals at the motherhouse, and one at the hotel, we at 6 meals in 24 hours!
 
We finally were able to check into the hotel.  I think we took up 90% of the hotel.  It was a really nice hotel – especially for Europe.  There was the main building and a second building across a little creek that was refurbished several years ago.  We were in the refurbished building and each of us had a bed.  I was with 2 other postulants, and it felt like a slumber party with lots of girl talk.  The showers were very nice.  You could adjust the temperature and pressure and there were heated towel racks.  Luxury!  The other building did not have heated towel racks or even hot water on a regular basis. Sr. Marie described it as showering in a frozen daiquiri.  So we were extra blessed, especially because our rooms were bigger with fewer people.  I went to Sr. Margaret Mary’s room which had 4 sisters – all perpetually professed – and their room was only about half the size of ours.
 
There was a chapel across the street where we had Morning Prayer each day. It was built in the 1730’s and Mother Theresia herself had prayed in the chapel.  I was surprised to learn that it was so unusual to have churches this old in Germany.  So many churches were destroyed by bombs in WWII.  The parish church in Olpe was destroyed by fire shortly after Mother’s death (1907).  They rebuilt and then it was heavily damaged by a bomb in 1945.  There were originally 2 huge bell towers, but they never rebuilt the one that was destroyed by the bomb to serve as a reminder of what war can do son now there is just one bell tower.  The original mother house was also severely damaged by the bomb.  That is when they built the new motherhouse which is just outside of town.  Our hotel was a few blocks from the old motherhouse but about ¾ of a mile to the new motherhouse.  It was all uphill – and pretty steep, but I chose to walk it most of the time.  It took about 15 minutes.  The old motherhouse was 2 blocks from St. Martin’s church, and Mother’s house that she grew up in is right next to the church.  It was for sale a while ago and the sisters tried to buy it, but someone heard they were interested and hiked the price so high they could not afford it.  It is now a restaurant.  One day during our free time, Rachel, Kim and I went to the restaurant and got French Fries and Coca-Lights just so we could be in the house that Mother grew up in. It was fun to imagine what might have been where and knowing that she sat where we were sitting. The sisters gave us a tour of Olpe so we could see all the sights that are important to the history of our order.  We postulants are learning about the history of the order right now in our class.  It makes the history of the community seem more alive because you can now picture everything.  Each day we read something from the history of our community at supper.  Last night was the dedication of the chapel in the new motherhouse.  Every single one of us could picture exactly what they were talking about.
 

One other note about the war. On the first day at lunch, I was sitting with the German Sr. Petra (We also have a Sr. Petra in the Eastern Province and it is extra confusing because German Sr. Petra is the most fluent in English in the German Province and American Sr. Petra is the most fluent in German in the Eastern Province!  Our Sr. Petra spent 4 years working in Austria and then worked for the Austrian government in Washington, DC before joining the convent.  There is also a Sr. Veronica in the German and Eastern Provinces and a Sr. Margaret Mary in the Western and Eastern Provinces.)  Anyway, Sr. Aline from our province was talking about how her grandparents came from Germany and spoke German at home but that her Dad wouldn’t let them teach his kid’s German as he fought in WWII and wanted to disconnect his family from Germany in every way possible.  Sr. Petra was also talking about the war, and I just had tears in my eyes as I looked at all of us there – there was really a family feel in the greeting of the sisters and the interactions with them, and to think in the lifetime of many of the sisters, our countries were mortal enemies.  That my grandfather was fighting against the fathers or grandfathers of the sisters.  And here we are today with no hard feelings, no fear, no anger.  It also made me reflect on the difficult job of the provincial at the time.  I had heard it was almost impossible for her to communicate with the other provinces during the war and that many of the German convents were bombed, so she had a lot on her plate.  To think that even during that time, faith transcended culture or citizenship and that the sisters were still united.  What a blessing to be part of this community.

OK, that is the background. Next, I’ll provide the big highlights which I am sure will be interspersed with lots of side notes. 
Next Germany Reflection: Saturday – The Vigil in

Anna's Thanksgiving at the Convent

In Anna's most recent letter she described the Thanksgiving schedule at the convent. Thanksgiving is also one of the few days she can call her family, so we spoke with her late this evening!!  The Sisters packed a lot into one day.

All the Sisters came to the Mishawaka convent this Thanksgiving, even those from the satellite convent locations.  This is not typical that all the Sisters meet for Thanksgiving in Mishawaka, but was part of the 150th jubilee celebration.  Normally, they gather in several of the smaller satellite convent locations instead of travelling to be with the rest of the Sisters in Mishawaka. 

Morning prayer was not until 8:00 am (so it was a sleep in day!!), followed by breakfast, Mass at 10, Midday Prayer at 11:30 and then the Thanksgiving meal.  Anna indicated the food was traditional Thanksgiving fare, with turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy and all the trimmings.  Her favorite dish was acorn squash casserole. Numerous deserts and pies were available, with Anna's favorite being chocolate pecan (sounds yummy).  Thanksgiving is also a special occasion day, so the Sisters have the opportunity to drink wine, and Anna enjoyed a glass of chardonnay.

At 2:30 pm there was a presentation and pictures from the Germany trip, especially for the Sisters who did not get to go to the beatification.  This was followed by evening prayer, benediction, and supper.  Following supper was a special compline service to remember sisters who have died.  Anna said it took 15 minutes just to read through all of the Sisters who have died!

It was great to spend 39 minutes on the phone with Anna. She is doing well and is continuing to adapt to life at the convent.  We asked what the rest of the weekend would be like.  We keep forgetting that as a postulant, they are typically not informed of agendas and plans in advance.  Since Anna is a planner, we are sure this is a difficult transition.  However, she said it is hardest when scheduled plans change and they are not informed until the last moment.

Since the Sisters focus on prayer during Advent, they do not communicate with those of us outside the convent, which means she cannot send or receive mail or any communication except in emergency.  We definitely look forward to her home visit this Christmas!!

Pictures and links from the Beatification of Mother Maria Thersia Bonzel

I will be posting some of Anna's reflections on her trip to Germany in the next few days.  In the meantime, below are links to articles describing the trip and some pictures from the beatification Mass.

Catholic Moment - Lafayette, IN Diocese

Anna is quoted in this article:
http://www.thecatholicmoment.org/archive/2013/11-24/indiana-sisters-celebration-germany.html

Today's Catholic News - Ft. Wayne Diocese

Sisters celebrate beatification of Blessed Mother Maria Theresia Bonzel
http://www.todayscatholicnews.org/2013/11/sisters-celebrate-beatification-of-blessed-mother-maria-theresia-bonzel/

Bishop Rhoade's column on his participation in the beatification
http://www.todayscatholicnews.org/2013/11/blessed-maria-theresia-bonzel/

Beatification of Mother Maria Theresia Bonzel fills sisters with joy
http://www.todayscatholicnews.org/2013/11/beatification-of-mother-maria-theresia-bonzel-fills-sisters-with-joy/

Below are from the beatification Mass. 

The beatification Mass is also on You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE2BIBbwoWA

Anna was by a camera, so she was in the video feed quite a few times.

Anna's in Germany!!

2013 is the 150^th Jubilee of the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration.  It is truly a blessing that Pope Francis, in his first decree March 27, acknowledged a miracle attributed to the intercession of the Mother Maria Theresia Bonzel, foundress of the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration.  Her beatification is November 10, 2013.

An anonymous benefactor donated money so 48 of the sisters and postulants from the eastern province in Mishawaka, Indiana could travel to Germany November 6.  I would have loved to see the reaction of onlookers when the group of 48 sisters and postulants joyfully walked through O’Hare airport and then boarded the plane!!  For many of the younger sisters , this was their first trip abroad.

They will be joined by seven priests from Indiana, the Bishop of Ft. Wayne, Indiana, eight sisters from the Philippines, nine sisters from Brazil, and seven sisters from the western US province in Colorado.

Anna and the sisters will visit the motherhouse in Olpe, Germany, along with the “old” motherhouse and the birth house of Mother Maria Theresia.  They will travel to Paderborn, Germany for the vigil celebration and of course the beatification on Sunday, November 10.  The following day they will celebrate a Pontifical mass with Cardinal Cordes which will include the new texts of Blessed Maria Theresia.  The travel itinerary allows no time for what I would call sightseeing.  

Anna wrote that all the sisters were surprised to be given 130 euros each for spending money.  Of course they were told they would need to by some meals and track all spending, but should have enough for a “treat”! Anna said she was just excited to get some money.  Ah, the joy of the vow of poverty.

Bless the sisters who remained in Indiana to cover perpetual adoration and ministries.

One funny story.  Due to issues with hotel booking, the sisters gave up some of their rooms for the priests who were travelling to the beatification.  This meant the postulants would end up sleeping on floors (and there is not much floor space in those European hotel rooms).  Anna and 3 others volunteered to also pack an air mattress in their small suitcase.  When the 'air mattresses' arrived, Anna just had to laugh.  The air mattresses were actually pool rafts and of course were labeled 'use only in water'. 

More information on Mother Maria Theresia and the beatification: http://www.diocesefwsb.org/Beatification-of-Mother-Maria-Theresia-Bonzel

150th Anniversary Celebration at the Convent!

Gachia and I were invited to visit the Convent for a Mass celebrating the 150^th anniversary of the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration.  And we got to visit with Anna! 

Five Bishops and about 50 priests concelebrated the beautiful Mass, including OLMC’s own Fr. Richard!  Anna and the other postulants were assigned to the choir.  Other Sisters made up a small horn and string section. Anna is singing 2^nd soprano but she admits she can’t hit the highest notes. The choir director told her she will learn to ‘stretch’ her voice.  Anna has a nice voice but soprano is indeed a stretch!

Anna is the oldest of the six postulants by age, but she was the last of the postulants to request acceptance into the order.  Therefore, she is the youngest of the Sisters in ‘Convent age’.  As a result she also had another role in the Mass during the procession of the gifts.  She pushed the oldest Sister, who is 102 years old, in her wheel chair as part of the procession.  Anna met her last week and had an instant bond as she was born in Omaha, NE and the Hoefer family has Nebraska roots, including Gachia who was also born in Omaha.

After Mass we were bussed to the Gillespie Center on the St. Mary’s College campus for a luncheon which gave us 15 minutes to visit with Anna.  The good news is she was upbeat about how she was adapting to life in the Convent.  However, all is not rosy, she did comment “I have never cleaned or sung as much in my entire life as I have the past 2 weeks”! 

At the luncheon, other orders of Sisters in attendance were recognized.  Among those in attendance were the Nashville Dominican’s and the Sisters of Mercy from Alma, Mi.  Anna had visited both of those Convents as part of her initial discernment.  The Dominican’s who attend Notre Dame University stay at the Franciscan Convent.  The Sisters of Mercy provide some professional services to the Franciscans such as psychological evaluation of the Candidates before entering the convent. 

We were at a table with a current or previous connection to OLMC: Fr. Richard Doerr, Fr. Dan Gartland, Sister Margaret Mary, Dave and Barb Mitchel, Anna, Gachia and me.  Needless to say, with that collection of wit, we had a good time during lunch.  When Sister Angela, mother superior of the province, went to the podium, she stated one thing Sisters are good at is keeping order.  That’s why we have at least one Sister at each table.  The plan worked very well except for the Our Lady of Mount Carmel table!    We took being called out as a compliment…..

Most of the attendees were either benefactors or in leadership positions with the various apostolates the Sisters oversee.  Several of the Sisters introduced one of the benefactors to Anna.   He used to be in a leadership role at PwC and wanted to meet that new postulant “Miss Anna” who used to work as a CPA at PwC.

We took the bus back to the Convent and had a little more time to talk before saying goodbyes. We left with Anna and another postulant Rachael saying goodbye using the white handkerchief (tissue) wave.

It was great to visit with Anna. That makes the goodbye even more difficult, but Anna said it was not quite as difficult as the first goodbye.  Gachia recently wondered whether it will ever get easier for us to leave the Convent.  I do believe it will be less difficult over time, but I doubt it will ever be easy.

The ride home from the Convent

I know many are wondering how emotional the ride home was for Gachia, Caitlin and Ray after leaving Anna at the Convent.  In a previous post, I documented our family’s penchant for crying. When we left Anna at St. Mary’s for the start of her freshman year, Gachia and Anna sobbed their goodbyes on a bench at St. Mary’s.  Gachia (and I) cried some more on the way home.  The next year when we left Caitlin at the Purdue dorm, those same emotions came back. However, bear with me while I digress before talking about the ride home and the next day.

“Get Smart” was one of my favorite television shows while I was in high school.  Maybe there just wasn’t much competition (anyone remember the “Monkees”?).  Even Anna and Caitlin got into Get Smart reruns one year.  Deep down I still long for one of Maxwell Smart’s (Agent 86) shoe phones!  But when Maxwell Smart would get into an impossible predicament with Control agents, he would often start his “Would you believe….” monologue.  For example “would you believe this building is surrounded by three platoons of my countries most elite fighting units”?  The Control agents would roll their eyes in disbelief and Maxwell would give a slightly less outlandish “would you believe”.  Eventually Maxwell Smart or Agent 99 would save the day (but Maxwell would get the credit either way).

So, would you believe we cried 1) most of the way home, 2) one-half of the way home, 3) one fourth of the way home, or 4) only a few tears were shed.  BINGO!  Shockingly it was number 4!

Why the change?  First, Anna was smiling when we left the convent (although we don’t know how long that smile stayed).  We know that is where she needs and wants to be; to continue to discern religious life with the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration. Second, we stopped and visited more with my sister Judy and husband Larry and brother Dennis and wife Kim.  We were able to relax, share stories, and bemoan the fact Bruno’s Pizza was out of almost every brand of beer requested.  Something about a football game the day before.  Those Temple fans must have been big drinkers (certainly couldn’t be the “Domers”)!  At least all agreed the pizza was good. Lastly, we knew she is in good hands with Sr. Lois and the rest of the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration.  There is plenty of emotional support available plus the Postulants will be quickly integrated into community.

We received the first letters from Anna once we got back from the reunion with Gachia's family. I’ll provide highlights in the next blog.

From accountant to gangsta rapper??

Gachia has always enjoyed buying and sending cards.  She has a knack of bringing joy to other's lives and uses cards as one way to spread that joy, love and caring.  Gachia will buy cards and sometimes use them right away.  Other times, they go into a drawer and may stay there for years until the right moment comes.

Gachia had no idea why she bought the card below when Anna was in college, but she suddenly knew this week was the time to send it to Anna.

As Anna continues her discernment journey from CPA to the convent, may she follow her dreams (and God's will).

Anna's journey from CPA to floor mopper

I have long been intrigued and attracted to the monastic practice of ora et labora or working and praying.  So, I very much enjoyed seeing the picture of Anna that Sr. Lois sent us documenting Anna's journey from CPA to floor mopper.  You've got to love that smile of Anna and the rest of the postulants as they learn the value and dignity of work, no matter how menial the task.

This lifestyle Anna is embarking on can teach us all about the dignity and holiness of work.  Just the picture above shouts so many things about work: obedience, the value of completing tasks properly, to treat each other with dignity, cheerfulness no matter how menial the task, a sense of community..... Work can be a path to holiness and spiritual growth.   

Saint Josemaria Escriva has many writings on the importance of work to holiness in community as well as the business world.  The following quote is one example.

In God's service there are no unimportant posts: all are of great importance. The importance

of the post depends on the spiritual level reached by the person filling it. (The Forge, 618). 

This is so visible in the life of the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration and in monastic communities.  There are no visible signs who is a care giver to retired sisters, who is the provincial, who is a teacher, who has a high level role within the Franciscan health network, who has a Masters in Biochemistry (hint, see the red handled mop above), or who is a CPA.  Only when you have one on one discussions do you begin to learn their current and past roles within the community.  Regardless of role or position, the Sisters smile (a lot) and are so filled with joy.         

Let's all reflect more on the importance and value of our daily tasks whether at work or at home.  And pray for those who are unemployed.

Entrance Day!!

Because the candidates families were at the convent (and it was Sunday), the Sisters got to sleep in from their normal 5:30 am start!  Our day started with Morning Prayer at 7:00 am followed by Mass at 7:30.  And I do apologize for prematurely using Postulants instead of Candidates in the last blog - I'm still a newbie. The Gospel reading was on humility.   Jesus preached humility often, and here we were in the midst of such great examples of humility, the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration!  

Following breakfast, we had free time for 2 1/2 hours!  We really had fun exploring the convent grounds.  The cemetery is a beautiful and sacred place.  The Sisters place such appropriate emphasis on the dignity of life. We spent a little quiet time at the Grotto and walked past all the convent buildings.  My only regret is we didn't sneak a peak at the Sister's swimming pool.  One of our many family laughs for the day was that when I retire I'll be their pool boy, but to be honest that actually sounds like a pretty good gig to me (Any Sisters reading this? Keep me in mind.).  Below is a picture of Caitlin and Anna near one of the Stations of the Cross sculptures in the cemetery.  Only when I posted the picture today did I realize the station was "Jesus consoles the holy women".  Gachia and I are so proud of our two holy women.  Damnation, I'm crying again to be so blessed.

Dinner brought us back to reality.  The Sisters use dinner and supper in their meal vernacular which is comforting for an old farm boy. After a nice meal, the Sisters came around to each table and served scoops of ice cream for desert to obviously "butter us up".  Then we were gently told, again table by table, they are taking the Candidates (OUR daughters and siblings), and we won't see them until the Entrance Ceremony.  To be honest, we were somewhat prepared for this, but after that ice cream experience Sisters for may want to consider marketing campaigns as a future apostolate. Below are Anna and Gachia at dinner followed by the last picture of Anna as she leaves the hallway in her secular clothing. Damnation! I'm going to lose my man card - crying again.

 

We then returned to our rooms to change clothes for the Entrance Ceremony.  Gachia, Caitlin and I were much more at peace than we envisioned (note I didn't say TOTALLY at peace).  But God's grace is GREAT! 

 

We then returned to the Hoefer Family room to greet those family and friends attending the ceremony.  What a joyful time!  Plus it kept our minds off the Entrance Ceremony.  Before we knew it, a Sister was at the door informing us the parents were to be seated.  Since three could fit in each pew, Caitlin was able to sit with us, a great comfort to both Gachia and me.

 

I was the last of our family to notice the Candidates entering (shocking, I know!!).  Caitlin took the picture of Anna genuflecting as she entered.

 

 

At 1:30 pm we recited the Midday Prayers with the Sisters.  Then Sister Angela, the Provincial, introduced the Candidates and entered them into the order as Postulants.  Six Postulants is the most who have entered the order in a single year in 40 years!  What a blessing for the 150th anniversary of the order!  In the picture below, Anna is on the right with all the Postulants in their blue jumpers and white long sleeved shirts.  What you can't see is Anna's spiffy Sunday best plain black shoes (yes, they are as stylish as allowed by the dress code). She left the last of her stylish heals and flats behind. The humility journey begins.... 

 

 

Following Benediction, the Postulants and then parents processed out of the church.  And yes, some tears were flowing.  We went to the auditorium for celebration, food, sharing, and goodbyes.  Many of the attendees also went on a tour to see the beautiful convent and gain insight into the history of the original mansion, continued to visit acquaintances, or had a chance to visit with various Sisters. 

 

This was a joyous time for Anna, as many family, personal and family friends, Priests and a college professor reminisced with her and offered her love, support and encouragement.  Anna, Caitlin, Gachia and I are all over whelmed by the out pouring of support for our collective journey.  Not only from those who attended the Entrance Ceremony, but from many more who have taken the time to write, post, comment, email, call, and offer prayers.  Thank You!  You are all in our prayers.

 

At 4:30 pm, the reception ended.  Attendees had said their goodbyes and tears were shed.  Anna, Caitlin, Gachia and I went back to the Hoefer Family room.  We enjoyed our family time for the next 40 minutes.  Were there tears?  Yes, but mostly joy and peace. Then we went to our rooms to finish packing our suitcases and proceeded to where the families' cars were parked.  We collectively said our goodbyes to the Postulants and each gave Anna a long hug (OK, I just gave up my man card). 

 

During an earlier family visit to the convent, we learned of the tradition of the white handkerchief wave.  As we left that day, the Sisters waved white handkerchiefs.  Below are pictures of the Postulants and their Sister mentors for the next year bidding us adieux until our next visit (which seems so far away).  Instead of white handkerchiefs, they were waiving with white tissues used while saying goodbye to their families. But note the smiles on their faces.

 

Anna is on the right - very glad to see the smile

The last view of the Postulants bidding adieux from Mt. Alverno

After we left, the Postulants went to Evening Prayer with the rest of the Sisters located at the Mother House. We pray that it was soothing and spiritual experience for Anna which brought her peace for the evening. The rhythm of convent life begins....

A few more pictures from the Reception:

 

The Postulants and Postulant "want to be's"

Anna with her God Parents

      

Moving Day: Another Mary and Martha Lesson?

This blog is the transition from blogger Anna to her Dad, Ray.  As those of you who have followed the blog know, Anna will not have an on-line presence during the formation process, lasting 3 years.  My first step is to communicate the excitement, tears, and blessing that occurred from Anna’s “Today is the Day” blog through the acceptance ceremony. So, initially expect quite a few blogs followed by occasional updates of her continuing journey through letters received.  I will also post pictures from our visits - set your expectations low on pictures as we have only one formal visit the rest of the year. J   

Many access this blog through Facebook.  Hopefully you received the warning that Anna has deactivated her Facebook page.  Friend Caitlin to get updates: https://www.facebook.com/people/Caitlin-Hoefer

Anna has a definite talent in communicating via the written word using compelling stories of her personal experiences and reflection.  The number of page views doubled each of her last 4 blogs.  So, keep spreading the word of Anna’s beautiful reflections of her vocation journey. 

Anna, Caitlin, Gachia and I left for Mishawaka Saturday (August 31).  Anna continued her Detachment blog in preparation for her new living arrangement at the convent.  Below is what Anna took to Mishawaka.  We have helped move Anna many times through college and her working career and can guarantee this is BY FAR the least number of items that have ever been moved.  Obviously, one does not need many things to live a full life in a convent.

One of our family traditions was to take a photo of Anna and Caitlin when they left the house the first day of each school year in grade school and high school as well as the day they left for college.  The pictures captured the excitement but also the apprehension each transition brought.  So after we packed the car, it was only natural to take a picture of Anna at the front door of the house to capture the move to the convent!

 

We got to Mishawaka early, so we stopped at the South Bend Chocolate Café in downtown South Bend for lunch and of course chocolate.  It was fun to chat, eat and sample chocolate.  We arrived at the entrance to the St Francis Convent at 3:30 pm and began the drive up the beautiful tree lined drive up the hill to “Mount Averno”.  As soon as we were getting out of the car, several Franciscans Sisters were there to warmly greet us.  We immediately took Anna’s belongings into her new home, where the postulants are housed.  Walking up the 3 flights of non-air condition stairs with Anna’s belongings to her room did make me thankful that the postulants have few things.  Anna’s room is about 7 x 11 feet which is large enough for a single bed, small desk, small armoire, and a hall tree. 

The Sisters provided guest rooms for the families of the six postulants.  Anna was given the option to spend Saturday night in her new non air conditioned room or with Caitlin in her AIR CONDITIONED and much larger guest room.  Surely spending one more night with family was the driver in her decision?  Each family was also provided a large room to relax and talk.  The “Hoefer Family” room was a very nice parlor.

This is where God provided another Martha and Mary lesson in life.  What seems to be such a simple and direct story is very rich and deep.  I admit I have only scratched the surface of understanding.  But first, let’s clarify that the detachment and ‘semi-cloistering’ which occurs the first 3 years of the formation process JUST SUCKS!!!  Even though we understand the rationale, simplicity, and even beauty of the formation process, it still sucks. But I digress (that will be probably be a future blog), back to Martha and Mary. 

The four of us settled into the Hoefer Family parlor room and soon two of us were crying, then three.…. We are a family of criers.  Yes it can be a 3 way race but we are led by our master crier Gachia, followed by Anna and then Caitlin.  Although I am not in the lead pack I do frequently get teary eyed (and yes I have shed tears writing this blog).  But why is crying in the parlor a Martha and Mary moment? Like Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus, we were sitting at each other’s feet in the parlor.  But unlike Mary, who was focused on Jesus (what was important), we were like Martha “worried and troubled by many things” that went unspoken.  When will we see each other again? Why can’t we just pick up the phone and talk?  Since Anna struggles with major transitions will she struggle adapting to the convent life?  We will miss each other so much…...  

Then we realized we were still called to be Martha.  Jesus admonished Martha for being “worried and upset” but never asked her to stop serving.  Our role was not to worry about what will come tomorrow, but to interact with the other postulants, their families, and the Sisters, to serve each other collectively in our time of transition. God (and the Sisters) provided a wonderful evening of food, community, a hammered dulcimer concert, and s’mores on the patio.

Tomorrow's blog will be on the long anticipated "Entrance Day".  Anna really enjoyed the day!!    

Today's the Day!

The big day is here!  This afternoon I will be heading up to Mishawaka to move into my room and my official entrance is tomorrow.  The last 24 hours have been the most emotional in a while.  Thursday night some of my girlfriends set up a "Bachelorette-type" party.  We rented the HandleBar, which is a mobile bar that is powered by 10 bikes.  One of the girls made "veils" out of black tablecloths and silver headbands.  It actually turned out to be a great evangelization tool as we got a lot of questions about the matching veils. 

When I woke up yesterday morning, everything felt so much more real.  I have felt very sad - sad to be leaving my family and friends, sad to leave life as I know it, and sad to give up all communication besides letters.  I am nervous that I will be homesick.  I worry that I won't fit in or that I won't be holy enough.  The unknown scares me a little bit.  But what I feel most strongly is peace, which is so reassuring.  Even amidst the fear and the emotions, God is there and God is providing. 

The comments that you all have shared on the blog, on Facebook, through letters, in texts, and face to face have been so encouraging.  The outpouring of support that I have received has been a blessing that I never expected.  While I won't be able to update the blog any more, I will be keeping all of my blog readers in my prayers and I would love if you can keep me in your prayers as well.  My dad, Ray, has offered to keep up the blog based on letters and visits so please keep checking back!

I have been surrounded by love from family and friends my whole life, but I have never known a love like the love of Christ.  That unconditional love that led Him to die on the cross, to send His Holy Spirit so that we are never alone, to provide the most beautiful gifts in the sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation.  God is never outdone in generosity so while it's not easy, I just ask that you trust God's plan for your life.  Trusting his will for my vocation is the most exciting and rewarding thing I have ever done and I can't wait to see where the adventure will lead if I keep putting my trust in Him each day!

Detachment

As a Catholic School girl, I wore uniforms for 13 years and I loved every minute of it. While my sister mourned the fact that she couldn't wear her sparkly, pink dresses to grade school, I viewed uniforms as a way to make my life easier. When I woke up just before the carpool arrived, it was a blessing that I could just throw on that plaid skirt with no decision making required.

My third grade uniform.  I'm the blond one in the jumper. 
This was the day my dad brought insects into school!

When I got my first internship, I realized that after all my years of uniforms and wearing sweatpants and hoodies to class in college (it was an all women's school-no need to dress up!), I had no business casual clothes to make it through the summer. When I walked into The Limited one afternoon in May, I discovered that I love shopping.  Fast forward five years and I now have a closet of full of clothes and shoes that I no longer need.

Life in the convent is pretty simple even for the younger sisters who haven't yet made a vow of poverty.  When I was accepted to the community, I received a packing list that among other things included the following:

Sunday shoes on the left and everyday shoes on the right. 

• Three pairs of shoes, all black with no markings
• One pair sandals, all black
• Seven white button down long sleeve shirts
• Seven white V-Neck undershirts
• Panty-hose or thigh-highs
• Robe (simple, modest)
• Slips
• Shoe Polish
• Stationary, Stamps
• A few personal items (pictures, statutes, etc)
• A few hobby items
• Rosary, Bible, Catechism

It was actually more than I expected to be able to bring, but a much more limited list of material things than I typically use in a day.  At first, it was quite challenging to get rid of things.  I have never really thought of myself as a worldly person, but there are so many memories associated with each of my things.  And without intending to, I tied my identity to the things I own.  I know that the only identity that matters is that I am the daughter of God, but I will admit that oftentimes I define who I am with material things.  I am reminded of the young man in Matthew Chapter 19 who asked Jesus what he had to do to inherit eternal life.  Jesus told him to sell his things, and he left sad because he had a lot of possessions.

In this process of preparing to enter the convent, I have discovered that I was (and still am) attached to many things.  When I quit my job, I realized that I put a lot of weight on my career and that I had allowed my occupation to define me.



My shopping cart at Target on Tuesday.
What vow of poverty? ;)

Dessert from Cerulean last night. 
Eating out is another attachment I'll be giving up. 

With the challenge of giving away my things, I think buying my new things was even more difficult.  For one thing, it made my vocation feel much more real as I was taking tangible steps towards entrance, but it also reminded me of just how much of my former identify I was leaving behind.  I wasn't just giving away my favorite dress to make room in the closet for a new one, I was replacing it with clothes that I would have never been caught dead wearing prior to entrance!  While it is a challenge, this stripping away of my old self is also one of the things that is so attractive about religious life.  It allows me to focus on what really matters, which is my relationship with Christ, and it purifies me to be His bride!