Reflections of a Postulant

This is Anna taking the blog back over from my dad for one post!  I am home for 5 days for my first home visit.  It is such a blessing that in our community postulants are allowed to go home for Christmas with their families so while I have access to technology, I thought I would provide a short update.

Caitlin and I in front of the Christmas tree

The first four months have gone very well and have been very grace-filled.  It has been quite the transition; there is some culture shock in living a completely different lifestyle.  There has been a lot of adjustment to the early mornings, stricter schedule, less frequent communication, and in living obedience and poverty.  For the first three years, we don't take the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, but we try to live those vows in preparation for the commitment that we hope to make.  I was already striving for a life of chastity before entrance, but it has been quite the change to no longer make decisions about what my day will entail, what kind of shampoo I will use, or who I will talk to.  As I continue to dive deeper into formation, there will be more ways for me to practice poverty and obedience such as less frequent contact through letters.

As I pray the stations of the cross, I have been particularly reflecting on the tenth station, "Jesus is stripped of his garments". In many ways, this journey is a way that I can give of myself to share in Christ's passion.  In separating myself from sin and wordly attachments, the goal is to be stripped from all things except Christ so that I can be more conformed to Him every day.  The vulnerability that is required is intimidating and I often fail or become frustrated, but especially in this Christmas season, it is such a gift to be able to reflect on the vulnerability of Christ.

At my parish, the nativity scene is set up right in front of the altar which is below a large crucifix.  This morning during the consecration at Mass, I was struck by the ways that Christ became so vulnerable for us.  Coming as a tiny baby, our all powerful God became dependent on human beings.  At his Crucifixion, stripped of his clothing, Jesus died the death of a criminal to save us from our sins.  And in the Eucharist, Christ gives himself to us in the simple humble appearance of bread and wine. In her book, Wood of the Cradle, Wood of the Cross, Caryll Houselander said, "We are asked to offer only what we have, what we are today.  That it is so little means nothing: it is our wafer of unleavened bread."

Please know that I carry each family member, friend, and blog reader in my heart throughout this journey.  In the upcoming months you won't hear from me as frequently as before, but I will continue to pray for all of you, particularly in my night adoration hours.  I keep a book of intentions that are sent to me, and I also have a list of birthdays.  While I might not be able to send a card, be assured that I offer my prayers, work, joys, and sufferings for family and friends on their birthdays.  The transition is not always easy, but the religious life that God has called me to is beautiful and I am so blessed to be able to spend so much time in prayer and conversation with our Lord.  God Bless You!